you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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