It's like a parade of train wrecks.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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