Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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