Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
