A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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