So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
