The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
