Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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