This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize