You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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