My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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