Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
