I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
