i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Randomize
