I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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