Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
