he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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