Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
