What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Actions speak louder than pants.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
