I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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