Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
