also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
