remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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