the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
