they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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