After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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