so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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