but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
