god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
