walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
