If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
