i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
