I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
