Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I CAN MOONWALK!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
