you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize