Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
