I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
