; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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