At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she told me i tasted like america
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
