I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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