You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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