Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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