so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
