had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize