I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
