I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
