I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
