i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
only if we run a train.
done.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
