you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
