Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
