I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
