I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
