he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
