oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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