WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
