If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
