And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
