i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
