Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
