So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
