i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
