Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize