Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
