i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think your dad took our porno
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
