Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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