If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
