i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
