Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
