drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
